A quick surf around the internet will find you multiple authoritative rankings of the 100 best horror films of all time. However, if you watch one of those a night, you'll be done in under four months. Not exactly enough to last through the next lock-down. Search a bit more and you'll find collections of indie darlings by acclaimed directors that can last you through another month. Then you'll be on your own again. Sitting down to watch another group of British hikers getting lost in the woods and fighting a lingering uncertainty that you've seen this movie before, and not just eight other movies with the same bland characters and premise.
I can't promise you that the films that I will profile are good. Some of them are hidden gems. Many others are execrable. However, they are all truly unforgettable. Unique ideas, boffo performances, inexplicable decisions, genuine surprises, stomach churning terror. All fresh and new to you.
Caveat: Combined, these films contain nearly every possible transgression you can imagine, as well as several that you have yet to fathom. As I review films, I will do my best to warn you of the content in each film. However, if I haven't reviewed the film yet, it's not my fault when you skip ahead and see someone engaged in intercourse with masonry (three unrelated films contain this).
Glorious Disaster [1/10]
I feel that it's more important to watch bad films than good ones. In the hands of a master of the craft, all the piece come together in an orchestra that permanently imprints on our psyche. In a bad film, though, the parts don't sync quite correctly and you see behind the curtain. The editors, foley artists, designers, boom-mike operators, gaffers, key grips, and honeytruck drivers that make a major picture possible. All the pieces of the cinematic orchestra that must come together and blend into an invisible whole.
These are the films that failed. Producers who started a movie with the best of intentions and discovered that the task was simply beyond them. Films I submit to remind you that, as much as we might take pleasure in their failure, we cannot for a second presume that we could accomplish better.
DONE The Tooth Fairy
The Hard-R rated children's romantic horror comedy that no one asked for but we all deserved.
TODO Demon House
TODO Amityville Mt. Misery Road
TODO Doll Face
TODO 616 Paranormal Incident
TODO 616 Wilford Lane
TODO American Poltergeist - Curse of Lilith Ratchet
TODO 7 Deadly Sin
TODO Birth Rite
TODO Ouija House
Tongue in Cheek [0/5]
I've already discussed the myriad lurking threats to a film. Most filmmakers bring creativity and ingenuity to work around their limitations, but some obstacles cannot be overcome. Shoestring budgets and limited resource doom a film before it even begins. However, there are those who soldier one, fully recognising that they cannot make a good film, but they can still try and make a bad one.
This is a dangerous gambit and part of the reason this category is so small. When your best case scenario is utter failure, the slightest slip up can bring your film into the ultimate sin - utter mediocrity. You cannot make a bad film by being lazy at making a good one. It requires as much heart, stress, and effort as a successful film and these are the instances where the effort paid off.
TODO The Black Room
TODO Curse of the Nun
TODO Stange Events 2
TODO Ouija Shark
TODO Creep Van
Brilliant Concept [1/26]
We know all the standard horror starts. A middle class family moves into their new dream home, not realising that it holds an unexpected secret. A group of teenagers head out to the woods to complain about each other before they're slaughtered off. Privileged American tourists in Eastern Europe pay the price for their arrogance.
However, sometime a films comes a long with creativity. A situation no one could have prepared for. Characters doing their best while always missing fundamental information about the dangers. Films where genre savvy won't save you, since they made their own sub-genre.
DONE Bait
You've seen Snakes on a Plane, but can you handle Sharks in a Grocery Store?
TODO They're Watching
TODO Bad Ben
TODO Stay Out Stay Alive
TODO Itsy Bitsy
TODO The Stairs
TODO The Sand
TODO Clown
TODO On Halloween
TODO The Alpha Test
TODO Ankle Biters
TODO The Girl in the Crawlsapce
TODO Halloween Party
TODO The Sitter
TODO Apocalypse Cult
TODO Death of a Vlogger
TODO The Taking of Deborah Logan
TODO There are monsters
TODO Carnival of Fear
TODO The Endless
TODO Creep
TODO Superhost
TODO Do Not Reply
TODO Elevator
TODO Truth of Dare
TODO Get Gone
Craftsmanship [0/20]
Old familiar tropes are often old and familiar because they work. They touch us on levels we don't wish to confront and probe our fundamental fears. The protean terrors that morph and mutate as our culture changes, but, like a good slasher villain, always find a new way to return, even if they look a little different this time.
These are the films that take the stories we all know and remind us what made them scary in the first place.
TODO Video X - The Dwayne and Darla-Jean Story
TODO Paranormal Prison
TODO Ouija Expirment, Ouija Deadly Reunion, & The Ouija Resurrection
TODO Death of a Ghost Hunter
TODO Evan Straw
TODO Haunt
TODO Heidi
TODO The Manor
TODO Restoration
TODO Hooked Up
TODO Horror in the High Desert
TODO Last Radio Call
TODO The Haunting of the Tower of London
TODO The Overnight
TODO Pet Graveyard
TODO The Curse of Sleeping Beauty
TODO A Haunting at Silver Falls
TODO Amityville Asylum
TODO BnB Hell
TODO The Fear Footage
Brilliant Performance [0/6]
Gene Siskel once started that we should demand that a movie be more interesting than filming the cast having dinner together. Stack a film with enough charismatic, talented performers and you can produce memorable cinema, even if the story is utter dreck. This category is dedicated to the films where an actor put in the effort, even if the screenwriter didn't.
TODO Digging to Death
TODO Blood Pi
TODO Slayed
TODO Penance Lane
TODO I Live Alone
TODO The Maze
Too big [0/27]
As my objective was to provide you with films you haven't seen before, I've not included several films that are more likely to appear on other lists you might find. However, these films still aren't approaching The Shining or Saw in the public conciousness. Only a dedicate fan would have bothered to seek out most of them. I may sprinkle some of these into the mix as we
TODO Silent Night, Deadly Night - Part 2
TODO Train to Busan
TODO Graven Encounters
TODO Hansel & Gretel
TODO The Bay
TODO Await Further Instructions
TODO Mayhem
TODO The Boy
TODO The Closet
TODO Better Watch Out
TODO Blood Fest
TODO The Babysitter
TODO Tragedy Girls
TODO The Poughkeepsie Tapes
TODO All Cheerleader Die
TODO Stephanie
TODO Little Monsters
TODO The Stylist
TODO Splinter
TODO Night of the Demons
TODO Thankskilling
TODO The Pyramid
TODO The Limehouse Golem
TODO Wishmaster
TODO Noah's Shark
TODO Baby Oopsie
TODO Deep Dark
Brenton Thwaites [0/4]
Every time you watch a movie and the lead actor is terrible, remember that they could have cast Brenton Thwaites. The man continually turns in brilliant performance in amazing movies that no one talks about.